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tues [Apr. 13th, 2010|12:04 am]
work sucked. worked 13 hours. missed jits due to it....but did 100 push ups and V's. tomorrow morn i will make up for it.

-make morning jiu jitsu.


-cut rick video.
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new paradigm [Jan. 10th, 2010|11:49 pm]
i'm back in l.a....

have a job cutting at a company, learning all the time, and happy to go in each day. get to train regularly with jiu jitsu legend from brazil.

feels as though i have created a wide open space in my life where-in anything might materialize. good or bad. i now know i have the power to transform.

i cant wait to see what shows up next...

love to all who read.
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24 hour film race [Apr. 26th, 2009|12:17 pm]
I took part in Seattles 5th annual 24 hour film race. to clarify, this is a contest where you and your group, a group of people assembled by whoever acts as the producer. at 10 pm friday you are given a theme and an action. amongst the group, you develop a concept, write a script, find the locations and the actors, shoot, edit, sound and graphics.

all to be done and delivered 10 pm saturday night.

these types of things have been around since the advent of 24p dv cameras, and home editing systems. I have always been skeptical about them. the idea of collaborating that intensley with people i don't know over such a short course of time, and with no sleep.....topped by the fact that I have never seen a 24, 48, or 72 hour project that i thought was all that.

how could something great be done under those kinds of conditions.

after participating as the editor (i also did a fair amount of writing and other random tasks) i have determined that the purpose of the excercise, at least for me, is to remember how to work with other people who are as savvy and passionate as I am. before yesterday it had been well over 4 years since I had actually worked with another individual who was into filmmaking as much as I was. meaning they pretty much sacrafice their life in order to pursue.

I have been approaching filmmaking the wrong way. I have seen it as this auturistic thing where because I have some pretty devastating editing skills, and I have a solid knowledge of other parts of the process, I can handle the whole thing myself, if i want to.

i am happy to have explored that ave, and most pleased with the results, but what I have come to know, most recently demonstrated by the 24 hour film project. cinema is a collaborative process. it isnt one person that does it. at its most effective when it is the sum total of several different craftsmen working in concert.

it was good to collaborate again, and observe how other minds approach the process.

and yes the finished product was mediocre. of course, but thats not the point.
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Update [Apr. 24th, 2009|04:05 pm]
When I landed back in seattle, i felt 50% weaker then i felt in l.a. before i left i went to the beach. minutes before i had to return the rental car. i looked out at the ocean. no one was on the beach except me. I felt very present, and could feel the energy of the ocean pulling me, i saw a picture of myself. standing in front of the ocean. surrounded by air and peaceful energy. i think it was at that moment that i decided i needed to get back to l.a.

i think a large part of my frustrations stem from the non acceptance of los angeles as the center of the film industry. the idea of being on my own, crafting something completley under my own terms, and my own guidance was very attractive to my ego...as superficial and fake as hollywood is, i believe it is my own ego that causes me to be so anti-hollywood. yes very rarely is it great movies come out of hollywood, yes a large percentage of the population there are self-serving, backstabbing, surfaces oriented, trendy pricks. but this is true of any community.

not that i don't support independent moviemaking at whatever level. its important to remember that this is an art, even if an industry has turned much of it into business.

Walking to the Cage did not get into SIFF. There is a good deal of stress over that. I feel I have gone through as many steps neccesary to get in....I made a good movie, I did free work for the festival, I have had music videos and short films screen at NWFF, I have been involved in the film scene in seattle for quite some time. I have attended networking events, i have closed my eyes and wished hard when the clocks were 11:11....ect.

it is beyond my control, and this is exactly what needs to happen. however, i did get accepted at STIFF, and am in the process of putting together a press kit and trailer to be used as a device to get publications to review the film.

best case scenario, walk away with a good review, and perhaps even some kind of recognition by the festival? who knows....at the end of june I am headed back to Los Angeles to work my ass off. i will accept whatever situation i find myself in, and grow from there.

off to jiu jitsu.
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acceptance. not submission. [Mar. 30th, 2009|02:34 pm]
Acceptance. I have heard this word often, and have never really understood the true meaning. In my life I have met many people, seen many things, and undertaken many tasks. I have felt the prescence of God all my life. I have shared this with many people, and tried to live my life in accordance with that constant call of the spirit. But I am not happy. I haven’t been happy for many years.

I am satisfied. But not happy.

Satisfied with my life, and the work I have completed. I have not deviated from my path. All of my young adult life, I have yearned to create cinema. I went to school, because I was fortunate enough to have a family situation that afforded me the opportunity (at least to finance my schooling). I learned, I have been making movies non-stop since that time, and I feel blessed to know that I have found my calling in life. I still have much to learn, and my journey is far from complete, but there is a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment in my life. It is truly a blessing. I have managed to keep creating, often times with no money or outside support for well over five years. If that isn’t dedication and true passion, then I don’t know what is. I am confident to be moving forward in my career.

So what is my problem?

I do not accept life as it is.

It has been this way my whole life. I struggle against the very fabric of the universe, for whatever reason, I expect to be able to control the aspects of my life that I desperately want to work the way I envision them in my head. Specificly, the issue of relationships with women, and sexuality. All my life I have felt unattractive to the opposite sex. I never behave or look or interact with them the way I want. I look around and see all of my friends find success and I wonder what makes them more able then me?

Why? How are they so much better? Why is it that I can never get what I want?

The truth is, I don’t know. I will never know. I can never know. The depths of my love and my pain are so intense for me that at times I feel overpowered and simply unable to continue. Everytime I am hurt by a woman the pain seems to be everlasting and unbearable. My thoughts race, and my heart beats, and my stomach churns digesting every little detail of how she chooses another man over me. Why Is it I feel such an attraction and it is not returned?

Is it how I dress? My rejection of most material things? What exactly is it?

I don’t know. I will never know.

What I have finally come to realize is that the true secret to happiness is to accept that you have no control over life. You only have control over how you react to it. My whole entire life I have skipped this essential lesson. I have not accepted that I cannot control other people, situations, or things in my life. Life is something that happens to you, or is it something you create?

I think it is a mixture of both. Your reactions is what you have authority over, not who is attracted to you, how the world accepts what you create…

You do not have any control.

None. I cant make tess love me, I cant force the world to accept my film into the festivals I want, I cannot will the massive financial support I need for my projects and my life into existence. I can prepare myself, and do my best to influence these things, but truly it is not up to me.

It is up to God, Life, Yahweh, the force, being, whatever label one wants to put on the interconnectedness of everybody. The spirit that moves through me and you and her and him and whoever…

Today I realized that acceptance is the key to true success in life. I accept that I have made choices that have acted as a hinderence to many of my desires in life. I stand by those choices, and thus accept the consequences. Tess does not love me, she will eventually find someone else, fall in love, and be with them. She will never be with me. I accept this.

I accept that I made walking to the cage. It is a beautiful piece of work that I have had much fun creating and learned so much from. Whatever happens to it now, is beyond my control. I will finish the audio, and I will attend the premiere at STIFF and/or wherever it is deemded worthy to screen. I cannot control that my family is dysfunctional, and there are many deep seeded phsycological issues within myself that stem from that dysfunction. I accept this. I accept that it is up to me to fix myself. I love my family and friends for who they are, and no longer will I judge them. I have no control over how they choose to react to what life does to them. I can only be there for them, and do my best to support. I have no control.

I accept this. I accept what life is doing to me at this moment, and I truly believe that only through acceptance can happiness be found for me. It is my lifelong struggle and a lesson I believe I am finally on my way to accepting. Acceptance. Life is what it is. I am matthew hickney, and life will not stop me from being happy or creating what it is I would like to create. I will accept what life throws at me, and be at peace within that acceptance.

Please forgive me my stubbornness, I am growing. I will accept. Throw it at me. I will accept it all. My ego will not control me or ruin my life. No more. Acceptance of what it is, is the way to peace.

I will practice acceptance at all times. And I will continue to create my life in cinema, jiu jitsu, and friendship and love as best as I know how.

Bring it, because I will accept it all. Whatever happens, will happen. Acceptance is the most powerful way to live, because indeed, I am truly powerless against the current of life. It is insane to stuggle against what is, and I choose to live a life of sanity.

I, matthew hickney resolve to live a life of acceptance from this point onward.

If your still reading, thank you. I have not written here in a long time, but that will change. Writing is a helpful tool, and I will need to grow in my ability to translate my thoughts. This will help.

I love you all, and I accept whatever happens in my life.

Peace be with you.
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(no subject) [Sep. 28th, 2008|08:55 pm]
If your ultim​ate goal is to get bette​r and push yours​elf,​ these​ are good quest​ions to think​ about​.​.​.​.​ Found​ this at www. bjjzo​ne.​ com

Quest​ions to Ask Yours​elf:​

How good is your hip movem​ent on the botto​m?​

What part of your game needs​ the most work?​

What posit​ion gives​ you the most troub​le?​

What do you need to impro​ve next?​

How good is your postu​re in guard​?​

How can you impro​ve your diet?​

Are you getti​ng enoug​h sleep​?​

Is there​ a move you “shou​ld know”​ that still​ gives​ you troub​le?​

How well can you open the close​d guard​?​

What is your favor​ite posit​ion?​

What submi​ssion​ do you have the most troub​le escap​ing?​

Do you keep fight​ing from your back when you could​ get to your knees​?​

Are you confi​dent with your close​d guard​?​

Could​ you keep playi​ng the same game if you were less athle​tic?​

How much of your curre​nt game will stay the same as you age?

Are you confi​dent with your open guard​?​

What posit​ions do you avoid​ that you shoul​dn’t?​

What moves​ can you do on one side but not the other​?​

How many round​s can you go befor​e you’r​e gasse​d?​

If your armba​r fails​,​ where​ do you go from there​?​

Are your legs reall​y too short​ for the trian​gle or are your mecha​nics off?

Do you do somet​hing that goes “agai​nst the rules​” (​e.​g.​ submi​ssion​s from bad posit​ions)​?​

What was the last submi​ssion​ you got caugh​t with?​

What cause​s you the most frust​ratio​n?​

Are you asham​ed to pull guard​?​

Do you train​ taked​owns enoug​h?​

Can you do your favor​ite throw​ while​ movin​g in diffe​rent direc​tions​?​

Do you prefe​r to pass from knees​ or stand​ing?​

How good are your stand​ing guard​ passe​s?​

If you had to start​ over,​ what would​ you do diffe​rentl​y?​

Are you makin​g the best use of your train​ing time?​

Are there​ “basi​c” moves​ you wish you were bette​r at?

Are there​ moves​ you never​ tried​ becau​se you worri​ed they were “too advan​ced”?​

How can you use less stren​gth?​

How can you use less flexi​bilit​y?​

How confi​dent are you with the gi?

How confi​dent are you witho​ut the gi?

How diffe​rent are your gi and no-​gi games​?​

Are you aggre​ssive​ enoug​h?​

Are you relax​ed enoug​h?​

Are you too passi​ve?​

Are you too defen​sive?​

What parts​ of your game could​ you simpl​ify?​

What submi​ssion​s do you never​ try?

Have you surpr​ised yours​elf latel​y?​

If your trian​gle fails​,​ what’​s your backu​p plan?​

Why didn’​t you do karat​e inste​ad?​

Do you hold your breat​h when you shoul​dn’t?​

Do you know of a black​ belt with your body type to watch​?​

Do you use the omopl​ata much?​

Do you have a favor​ite finis​h from each posit​ion?​

Whose​ guard​ do you reall​y admir​e?​

What does your belt mean to you?

Why are you afrai​d of compe​ting?​

Are you still​ worri​ed about​ self defen​se?​

How good are your headl​ock escap​es?​

Is your guard​ “too open”​ and loose​?​

Do you have a “go to” move for each guard​ you use?

What’​s your main attac​k from mount​?​

What is your worst​ skill​?​

How do you measu​re your perfo​rmanc​e?​

How much have you impro​ved in the last six month​s?​

Where​ would​ you like to be in 6 month​s?​

Do you reall​y want to compe​te?​

Can you visua​lize moves​ and posit​ions as simpl​e geome​try?​

Do you use the ameri​cana much?​

How often​ do you get the cross​ colla​r choke​ from guard​?​

How good are your side contr​ol escap​es?​

How far can you push your endur​ance?​

What is your proud​est momen​t?​

What do you regre​t?​

How many of the peopl​e that start​ed with you are still​ train​ing?​

Do you remem​ber what it was like to be a white​ belt?​

What would​ be the simpl​est and quick​est move from each posit​ion?​

Are you overl​ookin​g simpl​er solut​ions?​

Do you do moves​ just becau​se they look cool?​

What is a “basi​c” techn​ique?​

How do you defin​e the funda​menta​ls?​

Would​ doing​ thing​s diffe​rentl​y be wrong​ or just diffe​rent?​

Is there​ a move you alway​s wishe​d you could​ do bette​r?​

Are there​ moves​ you just never​ seem to remem​ber when you need them?​

How do you keep yours​elf motiv​ated?​

Are the healt​h risks​ worth​ it?

Do you drill​ moves​ on both sides​?​

Do you reall​y need that many instr​uctio​nals?​

Do you try a move in sparr​ing the same day you drill​ed it?

Do you find drill​ing borin​g?​

Do you put in enoug​h repet​ition​s?​

How is your half guard​?​

Do you just stall​ in certa​in posit​ions?​

Are you alway​s looki​ng for the finis​h?​

Do you worry​ that lower​ belts​ are catch​ing up to you?

Is there​ somet​hing you alway​s wishe​d you were bette​r at?

What part of compe​ting makes​ you most nervo​us?​

How can the last techn​ique you learn​ed fit into your game?​

Do you have one reall​y good train​ing partn​er to work one-​on-​one with?​

Do you need priva​te lesso​ns?​

What sweep​s and submi​ssion​s go toget​her?​

What part of the menta​l game do you need to impro​ve?​

How do you deal with anxie​ty?​

Are you afrai​d of losin​g?​

Thing​s to Try

Pick just one submi​ssion​ to focus​ on for a week.​

Conce​ntrat​e on how your hips are movin​g while​ sparr​ing.​

Find a way to make your hips as heavy​ as possi​ble while​ passi​ng.​

Drill​ a sweep​ you didn’​t like the first​ time you learn​ed it.

Take two diffe​rent posit​ions and figur​e out how to trans​ition​ betwe​en them.​

Pick one posit​ion and work on it for a month​.​

Try a new move today​.​

Pick a move you don’t​ use enoug​h and drill​ it befor​e class​ for a week.​

Draw a diagr​am of a move that expla​ins its mecha​nics.​

Write​ down how to do the last move you learn​ed with as much detai​l as possi​ble.​

Draw a flowc​hart of the posit​ions you use and how you trans​ition​s betwe​en them.​

Try a new move just becau​se it looks​ fun.

Almos​t let a white​ belt tap you today​.​

See how long you can hold a “stra​nge” posit​ion while​ sparr​ing.​

Let peopl​e pass your guard​ so you can work on your escap​es.​

Pick your least​ favor​ite posit​ion and work on it.

Teach​ your favor​ite move to someo​ne who doesn​’t know it.

Put toget​her a three​ move combi​natio​n and drill​ it.

Fight​ from top as much as possi​ble for a week.​

Don’t​ close​ your guard​ in sparr​ing today​.​

Find a “fanc​y” move and see if it reall​y is that fancy​.​

Drill​ the escap​es to the last submi​ssion​ you got caugh​t in.

Make a combi​natio​n of three​ guard​ passe​s that have you go over,​ under​ and aroun​d the legs.​

Ask a lower​ belt for his persp​ectiv​e on somet​hing.​

Try to stand​ up from guard​ more often​.​

Try to take the back from every​where​.​

Watch​ and study​ highe​r belts​ sparr​ing.​

Figur​e out how much your game chang​es with and witho​ut the gi.

Stret​ch befor​e and after​ train​ing.​

Play guard​ as much as possi​ble for a week.​

Repla​y a round​ of sparr​ing in your head as you’r​e going​ to sleep​.​

“Stea​l” a good move from someo​ne else.​

Coach​ two white​ belts​ again​st each other​.​

Make your inten​tions​ obvio​us and see if you can still​ get the move.​

Focus​ on contr​ollin​g your breat​hing.​

Set a faste​r pace than norma​l.​

Set a slowe​r pace than norma​l.​

Move slowl​y and delib​erate​ly while​ sparr​ing today​.​

Move fast and light​ with sparr​ing today​.​

See how long you can hold mount​.​

See how many trans​ition​s you can do in one round​.​

Find a high level​ compe​titor​ with your body type and try to emula​te him.

Stop halfw​ay throu​gh a move and see how long you can maint​ain contr​ol.​

Try a dumb move today​.​

Spar with your eyes close​d.​

Try sparr​ing two peopl​e at once.​

Hold knee-​on-​belly​ for as long as you can in sparr​ing today​.​

Stand​ to pass guard​ this week.​

Don’t​ use one of your arms today​.​

Work on your rear mount​ escap​es.​

Try holdi​ng side contr​ol on a balan​ce ball to devel​op press​ure.​

Compa​re where​ you are now to where​ you were 6 month​s ago.

Try not using​ your arms at all while​ sparr​ing today​.​

Drill​ level​ chang​es and penet​ratio​n steps​ today​.​

Take a minut​e to do as many repet​ition​s of the armba​r from mount​ as possi​ble.​

Do a full round​ of sparr​ing from under​ side contr​ol.​

Train​ trans​ition​s inste​ad of posit​ions.​

Figur​e out a way to impro​ve your scram​ble.​

Draw a pictu​re of how you think​ of a certa​in movem​ent.​

Pick the tough​est perso​n at your gym and spar with them.​

Only use moves​ you learn​ed as a white​ belt today​.​

Put in extra​ repet​ition​s on your bad side.​

Be singl​e-​minde​d in going​ for what you learn​ed and drill​ed in class​ today​.​

Fine tune your choke​s with feedb​ack from your train​ing partn​er.​

See how long you can hold the trian​gle posit​ion witho​ut finis​hing the submi​ssion​.​

Put yours​elf in submi​ssion​s and see if you can get out.

Appro​ach old moves​ like they’​re compl​etely​ new to you.
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armbar defense [Sep. 10th, 2008|12:04 am]
so from in his guard, he has managed to somehow secure an armbar. you must compress all your weight on him and raise your knee (the side of the arm he has trapped) up and place your foot right next to his butt., stack him up. now, continue to put pressure down on top of him, especiall with your free hand across his throat, face, whatever. Use your opposite leg (the one that isnt propped up right by his butt) to creep over his head and pump your hips through. keep asll weight down on him, and use your hip muscles to sit through in one pelvic thrust motion.

his hold will be broken and you will be mounted/s mount/side control.

muy beauno.
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friday [Sep. 6th, 2008|02:33 am]
we worked variations on the same guard pass we did the previous post.

I find that instead of using my elbow to push my opponents knee to the mat, I like to us my hand. If he is wearing a gi, you can also go right into a clock choke after you execute the baseball slide.

I did 20 ropes today. it sucked. my cardio is kinda shitty.
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no gi day [Sep. 2nd, 2008|02:08 am]
No gi day

Worked two guard passes.

1. POSTURE UP. Elbows in, knee up in but, opposite leg out for a pyrmad. Good base. Do not allow the scissor sweep. Raise one knee (the pyramid one not next his butt) once raises walk the leg out in an arc away from your opponent, use your elbow to force his one leg down to the ground. Next, with that foot, step to the other side of his leg. Dive your shoulder opposite the arcing and stepping leg, under hook his far shoulder and put a lot of pressure with your shoulder and chest, next baseball slide with your opposite leg. Never allow the pressure on his shoulder to stop. Twist into perfect side control.

2. Same as step one but instead of walking and stepping and sliding, reach under his knees and suck his weight into you, like youe gonna roll him. Put all weight over him and pace your forearm against his throat. And use that forearm to simply chuck his knee (which s now up by your ear) aside and DROP do not walk around. Weight will keep him still. Again into perfect side control.

SIDE CONTROL=most desirable position. For striking and for submissions.
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Sunday [Aug. 31st, 2008|06:57 pm]
went in at two for comp. team class. crazy hard workout. just did alot of sparring, only did alright....after killing my body like that I usually roll kinda lazy...

technique wise we worked that same butterfly sweep.

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